Fascinating

I had an amazing time last night at a karaoke bar for a friend's birthday. As a student of body language, it was incredible to watch what was going on around me as the night wore on and the booze flowed. I witnessed who wanted to hook up with who, who was so drunk they didn't care, and who didn't care that their intended was so drunk they should have cared.

Think a soap opera, but with a worse soundtrack and chicks bumping grinding and seeking way too much attention.

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Online dating "don't's"

Just received an email via an online dating site that opened with this.

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL FOR 35......

Hmmm...thanks?

I find it best not to YELL IN ALL CAPS, but also leave out this phrase you are beautiful for "insert whatever thing could be negative" like "old" or "fat" or "missing teeth".

I think it best to let this particular prince find another maiden to woo

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Bird Sitting - Day 10

Bird sitting Day 10. Birdie likes me again - hates vacuum, door bells, and jazz tunes with a sax.

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Ping Pong Dominance Guaranteed!

I know how the US will dominate in Ping Pong. All we need to do is convince the IOC to add sneaking beer and making out while our parents are upstairs to the mix.

Go USA! Go USA!

Breaking Celeb News

Clay Aiken fathers a child. Air traffic controllers reporting plane/pig near mid-air misses.
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Way to go Iliza!

Iliza won LCS!

Sort of sad that she was asked how it feels to represent women comics. I think she was a bit startled by the question and she answered well. Just goes to show that women in this world are not quite there...yet.

Jeff will be fine in spite of third place. He is funny and certainly attractive, so TV will come calling. I hear he is being called "the cute one".

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Gonna put your eye out!

Estee Lauder and Lancome have put out battery powered oscillating mascara. Each vibrates at 7,500 and 7,000 oscillations per minute.

Apparently, this gizmo is in high demand and limited supply. Women are on waiting lists and production is around the clock to produce more.

Can't get one? Feeling inferior because your lashes are not as "defined, lifted and separated" as they could be, Dollface?
No need to attempt to wrinkle your frozen botoxed brow in sadness.

I have an idea, let's get a troop of folks with DT's to apply the regular old mascara to your eyes. Yes! That's the ticket! This way we are helping those who are struggling with alcohol abuse to put their affliction to good use. If they are unwilling, most retirement homes have enough people with the shakes to fill in. They will be happy for the company and you can eat jello and hear stories of the "good old days" when cold cream was all the beauty you needed.


What's next, high powered auto lipstick cannons?
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