As of this weekend, I know 6 couples who are getting married in the next year. Due to the increase of my friends/family members who are getting hitched, I am paying more attention to marriage, really the idea of it- than ever before. This does NOT mean I am hoping to get married in the near future. Far from it, rather, I am thinking about it more and picking it apart (like I do everything else in my life. Last year it a was 'how did we get into the Iraq war and how did it spin out of control into a total civil war" Blog post coming soon on that topic.).

I found this interesting article in the NY times because it made me really stop and think.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html?em&ex=1167886800&en=eddc5880e17ea238&ei=5087%0A

December 17, 2006
Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying
Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other's financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another's ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other's spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other's friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other's parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other's family, are we prepared to move?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other's commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

I can think of several couples whose marriages disolved because they didn't ask each other the quesstions above. If it were me, I would add a few more questions:

Are you a morning person? If I stay up till 4 am will it piss you off if you get up at 6, and I yell at you to shut up because I need to get some rest? (Just asking. Total hypothetical)


When you share a bed, do you somehow turn into a 300 degree ball of body heat and need to open all of the windows and throw the covers off because you feel like the firey furnaces of hell are in your bedroom? (Again, not that this applies to me).

Do you like to sit around watching bad reality TV feeling guilty because you have a bookshelf full of "important works of literature" that you had EVERY intention to read-but didn't get around to it because a re-run of "Beauty and the Geek" is on? (Again-this totally does NOT apply to me.)

Have you ever made a pan of fat-free browines, and while they were cooking, at half the jar of icing (not fat free)? Did you only buy the browines because you wanted a carrier for the frosting and was in such denial that you couldn't just buy the icing for the sake of eating it without the "cover" of making browines? (I have NEVER done this. EVER. Really).

If you were invited to family reunion for your wif-er...partner's family (distant cousins-hardly ever see them) are you afraid/intimidated/judgemental of people who wear "trucker hats", cowboy boots, and Peterbuilt belt buckles without any sense of irony? Can you eat your body weight in meat/potatoes/ambrosia salad? Do you like wine out of box? With ice?

Communication: The key to a lasting partnership.